Where To, Bud?

Dear Friends and Readers I wish so much  I could describe the year in a different "light", but when I explain my reasons for the above post title, maybe you will understand my pessimistic attitude. While considering the format of this particular entry, I thought to myself, "You know? Some of this stuff actually happened simultaneously, so how are you going to present it all?  Time-wise? No format at all? In terms of severity? All three?" As most of you are familiar with my style  of writing, why don't we just get started? I promise not to lead you astray and bring you back safe and sound, okay? You're in good (if shaky and older) hands. ======================== ======================== Pretty much all of 2015 made me wanna yell, "Cut!!!, Time Out!!! Rewrite!!",  , but there was no time for that. It seemed there was one calamity after another, and hardly any of them got solved/resolved, because.....".... there was no time......

I'm keeping it short and sweet again today, but I did want to share with you a poem that my wife Dondra wrote in answer to "The Sunshine Song" which you heard in the last installment. https://soundcloud.com/iphillfine/if-sunshine-were-mine  She very rarely writes anymore so this is very special to me: ================================ "The sunshine that you gave to me Warmed my heart and soul It chased away the shadows and then my life felt whole Sunshine painted all the corners of my life Surrounding me with comfort and taking away the strife Sunshine, invisible, surrounding me, so warm Swaddles me, comforts me and so I fear no harm Reminding me of you and your selfless devotion I'm fortunate to know a love that so transcends emotion Your gift flowed gently in the room, grew into my heart And took away the gloom. I never knew you had the Sunshine That it was saved for me God leant to you the sunshine And was pleased that...

Hello After almost 6 years on the same meds: Welbutrin, Duloxetine and Lamotrigine, I had decided they weren't working for me anymore to control the depression part of my dementia, so I made an appointment with my brain doctor (psychiatrist) and told her that. After a thorough interview ("inner view") she decided that to help me with my vivid dreaming - she calls them "night terrors" - she'd put me on one 1mg per Prasozin, which also helps with controlling my blood pressure and 4 mg of Abilify, which is a drug that sort of "boosts" the other anti depressives. She also lessened the Welbutrin dosage in order to to get  a more "even regimen". I also spoke to her of my problems with focusing, whereupon she decided to put me on Ritalin as soon as my B/P stabilizes. Almost from the second day, I began having serious physical problems: swelling of the ankles, worsening of the arthritis, syncope (dizziness), nervousness/irritability and...

I don't think I have ever written about this, but the fact that my life (that of a musician/songwriter) didn't turn out the way I wanted just irks the hell out of me! How does one  reconcile this with one's self? I have school friends who wound up with exactly the career they wanted: they are doctors, lawyers, (no Indian Chiefs, although one of my friends does live on a Sioux Reservation), senators, etc., etc.. Thinking about this very thing a few nights ago, I realized I miss the "woody" smell inside the shells of my drums, the "ozony" smell of the amplifier tubes as they got hot, the sort of "musty" smell inside my guitar cases; and yes, the smell of beer and the sound of the crowd enjoying themselves, thereby enjoying my music, being played for them. But I didn't get that, did I? No, I did not, and if it sounds like I'm whining, so be it. A job inbetween the bands was working for the local radio station (s) here in Carr...