All I Ever Wanted Was To Be A Musician: From The Memoirs

I don't think I have ever written about this, but the fact that my life (that of a musician/songwriter) didn't turn out the way I wanted just irks the hell out of me!

How does one reconcile this with one's self?

I have school friends who wound up with exactly the career they wanted: they are doctors, lawyers, (no Indian Chiefs, although one of my friends does live on a Sioux Reservation), senators, etc., etc..

Thinking about this very thing a few nights ago, I realized I miss the "woody" smell inside the shells of my drums, the "ozony" smell of the amplifier tubes as they got hot, the sort of "musty" smell inside my guitar cases; and yes, the smell of beer and the sound of the crowd enjoying themselves, thereby enjoying my music, being played for them.

But I didn't get that, did I? No, I did not, and if it sounds like I'm whining, so be it.

A job inbetween the bands was working for the local radio station (s) here in Carrollton, so I could at least hear my beloved music and I listened like no other. I could pick out mistakes and/or things I might have done differently. In other words, I was a musician with only the 45's or 33 1/3's as my "instruments".

Most of the bands I played with had musicians with wives and eventually some of us broke up because of those wives. I was lucky in that regard: my own wife was and is my biggest fan and never denied me one minute of time behind my drums or playing rhythm guitar sometimes. Every now and then we had to bail the lead guitarist out of jail, but looking back it was so much fun. 

Being sure I would once again find that "magic" group of guys and/or girls and start all over, I worked a number of other jobs, was good at them and then became bored and found something else: Because I always had a desire to be helpful, I followed my wife into her career as a medical professional: a Respiratory Therapist. This was at age 40 and re-learning and starting over with things I should have learned in school wasn't the easiest challenge I'd ever faced, but I did it and practiced my craft for 20 years. I loved making folks feel better and breathe easier.

So the desire to be a musician with a working band never left me, but it did go to the proverbial "back burner", and there it stayed until I became disabled or, if you prefer, went batguano.

At this point in time I am 65, retired with a whole room of musical instruments, but no one to play them with me.

Still whining, aren't I? So what? It's my blog........ and I'll whine if I want to. LOL

I do have a new group of friends on a site called Chordie dot com, however, and there I can talk about music, songwriting, music theory and just anything I choose to. It's a wonderful group of guys and girls, but they're spread out all over the world, so playing/jamming with them just isn't possible. What I didn't mention about The Chordians (as I call them) is how helpful and caring they are. Even loving!!!!

So is my dream of being a musician still attainable or has it all gone up in the smoke of the last bar I played in?

I don't know. All I do know is that if the right "breaks" had come along for me, maybe I'd be part of a major (or minor - I'm not choosy, I just wanna play my drums all day) band.

Thanks for reading and please remember to click and feed and  do it every day. It costs you nothing and it really does your heart good.



The two versions of the song below were done by my Chordian friends, Mojo and Phill. I wrote it as a poem and they added their talents to it. It's for my wife. Hope you like both versions as much as I do. I thank them both for their time and talents and hope to feature more of their work here.

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https://soundcloud.com/mojo01/bills-demo

https://soundcloud.com/iphillfine/if-sunshine-were-mine

The words are:

If sunshine were mine
I'd give it to you

If moonshine were wine
I'd pour it for you

If loving you, honey
Was all I could do

I'd do it, I;d do it
For you