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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Keeping My Senses "Sharp" ; WoW

No, I'm not saying "Wow!" as an exclamation, but as an acronym for" World of Warcraft!

But I may as well be saying "Wow!", for all the good playing the game has done for my cognitive functions, reaction time and overall ability to concentrate.

When I first went to have myself examined for EOAD, my doctor recommended playing this online game in order to keep my senses sharp and intact for as long as possible while science searches for a cure for this currently fatal disease.

Dude, we rockin' sincerely, and here's the link if you'd like to try it out for 10 days free: www.worldofwarcraft.com

I'm wolkenlaufre in Alexstrasia and if you can find me (Human Alliance Warrior), let's group up (my guild is The EOAD FEEBS) and kill some bad guys.

Want to? Lets have some WoW fun with some WoW toons!



Hope to see y'all in Azeroth sometime!

The guild is called "EOAD FEEBS" and I am the "feeb-master"!

Look for me to sign up!

Bill/Wolkenlaufer

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I Never Thought Things Could Race Along This Fast

Taking the Namenda and the Exelon I thought would slow things down, but I can see now that it's not working as well as in the beginning. The thought processes are just not as smooth as they were a year ago.

As I wrote earlier the last test remaining is the neuro-psychological one at Wesley Woods at which time I will be assigned a "stage" as my scores compare with the rest of the nation's patients.

Just writing the above 2 paragraphs took me 15 minutes, because the words just aren't coming to me as fast as they once did. Used to be, the keys would clatter continuously, but not anymore. This isn't easy for a former English major/broadcast journalist to accept, let alone someone whose life the last 15 years has been spent as a respiratory therapist and enjoying making my patients feel better.

Emotionally, I feel like a blank page right now. Right now there's no anger, there's no sadness, there's no happiness. There's just this void.

I wish I had been paying closer attention to what was going on.

When I began this blog, I did so with a positive and proactive attitude, but as I watched the video I linked y'all to Saturday, I was brought up short. I didn't realize I had been in such denial. I thought I was in the "acceptance" stage of the grief process.

How easily one can fool ones' own self into thinking black is really white and then set out to prove it to the rest of the world, and the rest of the world goes along, because after all, you seem to be happy with that and are "handling" it.

Thinking back (looking through the "retrospectroscope") I must have been in the "Early Onset" stage for quite a number of years, but was just able to "adjust" and be outwardly "normal". Compensating.

So this is where I am now. Strange how everything just "fell away". Almost like an epiphany. Les Paul had an Epiphony, right?

Enjoy your Sunday.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Moving Merrily Right Along

Oh, shit.

I'm not paying attention to the slouchy, lithpy doctor, am I?

I've been sitting here all day, burning up the internet and setting a record (I think) for the number of daily posts I have made on The Straight Dope.

So I just watched the 2nd little vignette I linked y'all to, and it sounds to me that I'm in mid-fuckin-stage already! No, I'm not shitting my pants yet, but I'm all over all those other symptoms!

Holy Shit!

I've been in DENIAL!

And didn't REALIZE it!

I've been sitting here on the computer ALL friggin day long , writing on SDMB and acting like they're here in the room with me! Writing in a "conversational" TONE (as someone already pointed out!)

Holy shit this is really happening right here on stage, friends and neighbors!

It's hitting "home" finally.

I'm finally, REALLY gettin' it.

I mean, I KNOW I've GOT it, but I wasn't really GETTING that I got it.

Shit.

Alzheimer's Video #2

Here ya go!

Hope you're having a great weekend and are staying dry.

Bill

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-P9lbTJ9Hw

Friday, March 27, 2009

Lots Of Stuff Happening Very Quickly......

....... and it's going to require a lot of my concentration, so until it's all settled, my blog will not be as busy.

I have the neuro-psych testing coming up next week, and I am needing a lot of time to do paperwork for early retirement/disability.

This does not mean I'm gettin' lazy though, okay?

On the contrary, it will mean I'll be busier than ever and even more active in being "pro active" in AD.

I am going to use myself as a "guinea-pig" for what happens when a 58 year old guy is diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's, and hopefully my learning experience will become a tool for others, because as more and more of us are diagnosed, it will be incumbent upon all of us to learn some "do's and dont's", and that includes caregivers as well as those of us with the disease.

We'll compile a "time-line/chronicle" of my "journey", and we'll present it here when it's ready. I think that it's kinda "unique" (for want of a better word") that I'm single and dealing with this pretty much on my own, so I hope this account will be helpful to others.

Here's a link to YouTube. It's a 3 minute plus change Alzheimer's video being explained by a doctor whose posture is the worst I've ever seen (unless he's in a wheelchair, in which case, he's excused) and he thpeakth with a lithp which tends to get on one's nerves, but these vids are really well-produthed and conthithe. There are several in the theries and I thought I'd thtart y'all on them, to kinda fill the time when I can't write the blog......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcuDz7tOL7E

Thanks once again for "being there" and reading the blog. I have tried to "tell it like it is", and it's been difficult a lot of the time. The fact that I have your support is what keeps me going.

Also here's a vid that my sweet friend Beth sent me. Her name is Junizon and I think she looks like a very young Jodie Foster - kinda-sorta. This is an old John Denver tune she's singing...



Back soon!

Bill

Thursday, March 19, 2009

"Little Things Mean A Lot"........

...... is not always a good thing, chirrun, especially with dementia.

It probably has a lot to do with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), but in the elderly (shit!, I hate that word!) guess what?

More on this as I research it a little more, but for now, just know that your ol' pal "Billy-Bob" is noticing it in himself.

Are ya having a good week? Hope so!

I did a sit-up today! :)

Rock out!




Love Y'all

Bill

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The "End"

I'm no longer a respiratory therapist, y'all.

Shit happens.....

Am I going to miss my patients? Damn right, I will! I absolutely loved taking care of sick folks and making them better, and it was a huge bonus when they saw me around town or in the grocery store and spoke to me. It made me feel like I had done something worthwhile, and even though I might not always have recognized them ("Maybe if you'd lie down, I'd recall your name!"), it made me feel good that they recognized me!

So what now?

"What now" is that I "re-invent" myself. Get back to writing, play my guitars, maybe go back to broadcasting, keep fighting this (Alzheimer's) shit, and try to help make people better in another way, and just persevere.

Y'all didn't think I was gonna bite the big one, I hope????

HELL NO! Got too much to do yet.

Okay, I know that y'all like my "theme" blog entries, so here's one to fit the title of this one: I love Ringo's drum solo, and have played it many times myself. I also like the very last line of the song...

Thanks for being my friends!



Bill

Monday, March 9, 2009

"Whoah, Dude! What'd You Just Call Me?"

So , last week I'm in my Kroger supermarket, cruising down the aisles, looking for a beard trimmer, just standing there, minding my own business, when out of the corner of my ear, I hear.......

"Eyelash curlers? Yes. Ma'am. Right down this aisle just next where the elderly gentleman is standing."

"He can't mean me," I'm thinking to myself, but I look around anyway and as it happens , those eyelash thingies are right next to me, and I'm the only "gentleman" (and the only other person) in that particular aisle.

"Dude!", I call out to this little whim-wham, still usin' thumb and forefinger to masturbate, cross-dressin', needle dick'd, Mac and Cheese eatin', best part of him ran down his daddy's leg, pants showin' the crack of his ass, smelly little Cap'n Crunch FART!, "I'm only 59! That's a far cry from 'Elderly'!, so how about you just leave that word out from now on, a'ight?" (Read that with a Southern-German accent, okay?)

To his credit, he answered, " yes sir". and we all shared a laugh over it.

But........ (you knew one was a-comin' didn't ya chillun?)

That was the very FIRST time I had ever been called "elderly" and it took me aback.

It took me aback because when I tell people my real age, they say I don't look it, so I have been kinda just basking in the glory of those comments. I'm a baskard, sue me! :) Guess I have always been "blessed" that way, even though I now have one of those little "wattles" under my chin, which, if you thump it really hard, goes back and forth for at least 5 seconds, I swear!

True story. Hope it gave you a smile. Thanks for thinking about me!



Bill

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

72 Hour EEG Test Results

Hey Guys & Gals



Back from my appointment with my neurologist, Dr. Kukaswadia, and the good news is my 72 hour EEG came back negative!



I haven't written a lot about Dr. K, but I would just like to say I appreciate so much his methodical approach to what is going on with me: He has left no stone unturned and he is genuinely concerned about me and my dementia. After reading some of the answers from last year's "Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease Town Hall Meetings", I was afraid of being medicated and forgotten about, but happily that has not been the case with me and I am grateful he is taking such good care of his patient!



Next step is the memory testing at Emory Clinic Wesley Woods Geriatric (I hate that word!) Center. No word yet as to when my testing will be, but all my medical records have been forwarded to the staff there.



A word about a new "symptom" which has recently reared it's ugly head: Inappropriate comments. These seem to have evaded me until now, but it has been brought to my attention that several times now at work I have said things which were not considered "proper".



By that I don't mean lewd responses or comments, but things said which are not considered "germane" to the situation being discussed although they make perfect sense to me. I am hoping this will straighten itself out now that I have been made "aware", but nevertheless, people are noticing, and my colleagues have been requested not only to ask questions regarding my dementia, but to also question any inappropriate behavior or language. I feel that being frank and open about the dementia is the correct way to deal with it.



Okay, since I just wrote that, let me give you an example: Instead of using the word "frank" as an adjective, let's say I use it as a proper noun - "I'll be Frank with you if you'll be Frank with me!" See what I mean? There's an opportunity here for me to use that as a double entendre, and if you and I were very close friends, I might do that, and you might say something like, " Ha-ha! Very funny, Bill", because you know my sense of humor and my love for the silliness of the English language.

But suppose I were to do that in front of you and I didn't know you? And suppose I also acted out the "being Frank with each other"? Now what? I might think it's the funniest damn thing in the world, but you might not, and you definitely would not if you happened to be gay!

Interesting, and I'll keep y'all posted when and if those inappropriate comments are called to my attention, and also what was said.

Hope y'all are having a great week, and I appreciate your stopping by!

Bill