"Whoah, Dude! What'd You Just Call Me?"

By Bill Craig
So , last week I'm in my Kroger supermarket, cruising down the aisles, looking for a beard trimmer, just standing there, minding my own business, when out of the corner of my ear, I hear.......

"Eyelash curlers? Yes. Ma'am. Right down this aisle just next where the elderly gentleman is standing."

"He can't mean me," I'm thinking to myself, but I look around anyway and as it happens , those eyelash thingies are right next to me, and I'm the only "gentleman" (and the only other person) in that particular aisle.

"Dude!", I call out to this little whim-wham, still usin' thumb and forefinger to masturbate, cross-dressin', needle dick'd, Mac and Cheese eatin', best part of him ran down his daddy's leg, pants showin' the crack of his ass, smelly little Cap'n Crunch FART!, "I'm only 59! That's a far cry from 'Elderly'!, so how about you just leave that word out from now on, a'ight?" (Read that with a Southern-German accent, okay?)

To his credit, he answered, " yes sir". and we all shared a laugh over it.

But........ (you knew one was a-comin' didn't ya chillun?)

That was the very FIRST time I had ever been called "elderly" and it took me aback.

It took me aback because when I tell people my real age, they say I don't look it, so I have been kinda just basking in the glory of those comments. I'm a baskard, sue me! :) Guess I have always been "blessed" that way, even though I now have one of those little "wattles" under my chin, which, if you thump it really hard, goes back and forth for at least 5 seconds, I swear!

True story. Hope it gave you a smile. Thanks for thinking about me!



Bill

Comments

Timespanner said…
Bill, if you're considered "elderly", man-oh-man you must be surrounded by a heck of a lot of young whippersnappers! :-)
March 9, 2009 at 10:33 PM
Bill Craig said…
My IceWolf - Lisa. I can always count on my favorite word-smith/historian to lift my spirits!

Someone I care about a lot keeps telling me, "It's NOT all about YOU, Bill!!!", and dear God, I KNOW it's not, but I don't know what I'm supposed to DO!

Jesus, sometimes it's like I'm stumbling around in the hot wilderness, and every bit of shade comes equipped with thorns.

I am not having a good time here, my friends, I really am not.

Where's that "euphoria button"? Don't I have enough "punches" built up, yet????
March 10, 2009 at 12:29 AM
Anonymous said…
Heheh. The line of insult is the best I've heard in awhile XD (The Geman Southern accent thing kills me too! That might just be unique to you! Have a great day, and don't feel bad. I'll be 30 in a week >.< *sungglehugs*
March 10, 2009 at 4:47 AM
Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Thanks, Suzette!

By Bill Craig
Image
My friend and dementia counsellor Suzette recently wrote a very informative (and flattering) article about the "German Boy" and his upcoming bike ride, and you may see it by clicking the title of this entry. I am very appreciative of her and the GA chapter of the Alzheimer's Association for supporting me, and my ride is dedicated to them, Alzheimer patients and their caregivers as well as the four-footers. Incidentally, D and I were finally able to attend this month's Forget Me Not luncheon (for Alzheimer's patients and their care givers) at South of La Paz Mexican restaurant in Atlanta and I'd like to thank my friend for making this possible. Really , Suzette's so sweet she makes ya wanna roll over and do all kinds of doggy tricks for her! I kid, of course, but I don't think I have ever met a more charismatic person in my life. It was also a pleasure to meet and converse with Kathy Simpson who also works with the Georgia chapter. Kathy and I have e-m...
Read more

Skipping Ahead A Bit In The Memoirs

By Bill Craig
Image
This is part of something I wrote on another message board with some editing, okay? -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My very good friend on the Dope, Oakminster , brought this to mind when he shared this in a thread of mine called "Your Favorite Commercials". Okay, I have already mentioned that my American soldier Dad brought me and my German Mom and brother to the US in 1960. At that time, I still spoke with a very heavy German accent and did my best to try to fit in. One of the ways was to "go out" for "Midget Football" and it was my first encounter with who would prove to be an inspiration to me and I am sure many others: Coach Roger Sauls who passed away last year. Coach was very patient with me, teaching me the "ins and outs" of throwing and kicking that strange looking egg-shaped ball! In those days, a lot of little boys went out for it and we all had our heroes on the Villa Rica Wildcats Varsity t...
Read more

Alzheimer's Advocacy Forum 2011

By Bill Craig
Image
I have been given a great opportunity and honor from my local Alzheimer's Association and my counsellors Suzette and Kathy, and I wanted to tell y'all about it. It is a chance to be granted a scholarship to attend the Public Policy Forum/Advocacy Action Summit which will be May 15-17 2011 in Washington, DC. It will be a time to become educated about the issues, learn new skills, network with fellow advocates and take our message directly to members of Congress to fight for our legislative agenda and I am honored to have been chosen to have my name submitted for this event. If I am chosen to receive the scholarship, I plan not only to participate in all of the above events, but to serve as a "reporter" and write about what I see and experience there. This will also allow me to put to use my journalistic skills which have been "moth-balled" of late. Quoting from Karen Kauffman's* article, 2010 was a year of optimism for those of us in Alzheimer's Advo...
Read more