"Whoah, Dude! What'd You Just Call Me?"

By Bill Craig
So , last week I'm in my Kroger supermarket, cruising down the aisles, looking for a beard trimmer, just standing there, minding my own business, when out of the corner of my ear, I hear.......

"Eyelash curlers? Yes. Ma'am. Right down this aisle just next where the elderly gentleman is standing."

"He can't mean me," I'm thinking to myself, but I look around anyway and as it happens , those eyelash thingies are right next to me, and I'm the only "gentleman" (and the only other person) in that particular aisle.

"Dude!", I call out to this little whim-wham, still usin' thumb and forefinger to masturbate, cross-dressin', needle dick'd, Mac and Cheese eatin', best part of him ran down his daddy's leg, pants showin' the crack of his ass, smelly little Cap'n Crunch FART!, "I'm only 59! That's a far cry from 'Elderly'!, so how about you just leave that word out from now on, a'ight?" (Read that with a Southern-German accent, okay?)

To his credit, he answered, " yes sir". and we all shared a laugh over it.

But........ (you knew one was a-comin' didn't ya chillun?)

That was the very FIRST time I had ever been called "elderly" and it took me aback.

It took me aback because when I tell people my real age, they say I don't look it, so I have been kinda just basking in the glory of those comments. I'm a baskard, sue me! :) Guess I have always been "blessed" that way, even though I now have one of those little "wattles" under my chin, which, if you thump it really hard, goes back and forth for at least 5 seconds, I swear!

True story. Hope it gave you a smile. Thanks for thinking about me!



Bill

Comments

Timespanner said…
Bill, if you're considered "elderly", man-oh-man you must be surrounded by a heck of a lot of young whippersnappers! :-)
March 9, 2009 at 10:33 PM
Bill Craig said…
My IceWolf - Lisa. I can always count on my favorite word-smith/historian to lift my spirits!

Someone I care about a lot keeps telling me, "It's NOT all about YOU, Bill!!!", and dear God, I KNOW it's not, but I don't know what I'm supposed to DO!

Jesus, sometimes it's like I'm stumbling around in the hot wilderness, and every bit of shade comes equipped with thorns.

I am not having a good time here, my friends, I really am not.

Where's that "euphoria button"? Don't I have enough "punches" built up, yet????
March 10, 2009 at 12:29 AM
Anonymous said…
Heheh. The line of insult is the best I've heard in awhile XD (The Geman Southern accent thing kills me too! That might just be unique to you! Have a great day, and don't feel bad. I'll be 30 in a week >.< *sungglehugs*
March 10, 2009 at 4:47 AM
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