Taking the Namenda and the Exelon I thought would slow things down, but I can see now that it's not working as well as in the beginning. The thought processes are just not as smooth as they were a year ago.
As I wrote earlier the last test remaining is the neuro-psychological one at Wesley Woods at which time I will be assigned a "stage" as my scores compare with the rest of the nation's patients.
Just writing the above 2 paragraphs took me 15 minutes, because the words just aren't coming to me as fast as they once did. Used to be, the keys would clatter continuously, but not anymore. This isn't easy for a former English major/broadcast journalist to accept, let alone someone whose life the last 15 years has been spent as a respiratory therapist and enjoying making my patients feel better.
Emotionally, I feel like a blank page right now. Right now there's no anger, there's no sadness, there's no happiness. There's just this void.
I wish I had been paying closer attention to what was going on.
When I began this blog, I did so with a positive and proactive attitude, but as I watched the video I linked y'all to Saturday, I was brought up short. I didn't realize I had been in such denial. I thought I was in the "acceptance" stage of the grief process.
How easily one can fool ones' own self into thinking black is really white and then set out to prove it to the rest of the world, and the rest of the world goes along, because after all, you seem to be happy with that and are "handling" it.
Thinking back (looking through the "retrospectroscope") I must have been in the "Early Onset" stage for quite a number of years, but was just able to "adjust" and be outwardly "normal". Compensating.
So this is where I am now. Strange how everything just "fell away". Almost like an epiphany. Les Paul had an Epiphony, right?
Enjoy your Sunday.