Saturday, December 26, 2009

So No SSDI For the German Boy

Got my letter of denial a week ago and I can appeal.

A friend of mine also said that I should have my local Congressman do an inquiry and we're going to do that as well.

This just gets "better and better", doesn't it?

No job, only a small pension and facing bankruptcy next month.

While I'm at it, I may as well tell you the rest.

I had D admit me to Ridgeview Institute for suicidal ideations and regulations of my meds which I had been cutting back on to save money. I spent 4 nights there and got out the 23rd.

No, I didn't do Christmas with the family. I stayed home and played my guitar. Even though they they upped my meds, I'm still pretty much an emotional train wreck and I wasn't going to "snow" on anyone's Christmas Parade. The family understands how things are with me, but my little grandson Julian doesn't.

Don't bother laying a "guilt trip" on me or telling me that I was "depriving" him of his "Opa", I already KNOW all that shit.

Next plan is the VA, (so that I can at least get free medical care since I'm a Viet Nam vet) then, if the SSDI STILL isn't approved, I think that D and I had better split up. She doesn't want this and neither do I, but I cannot see this going on and on while we get further and further "in the hole". See, D has a car payment, and medical expenses as well as paying the rent here, and even though I've cut back on just about everything I can so as not to be a burden, she's just barely making it herself.

Yes, I love her! Always did and always will, but this isn't working and I just think it will be better for me to find a small room somewhere and at least some part-time work.

She's 61, looks 51 and is very pretty. She doesn't need a "Sad Sack" like me who can't seem to remember where he puts things 2 minutes later, and is pretty much a train wreck.

So keep your fingers crossed that the SSDI goes through this time, because, much as I hate to say it, money is our major problem, and with my SSDI all will be well and Bill will be a happy (though slightly crazy) boy.

Here's a couple of my favorites (also 2 favorite movies of mine)

You may need to turn the volume on this one, which I consider one of the first rap songs. (Square dance music calling being another).



Please remember to click to feed and watch for another Shelter Challenge.


Anonymous said...

My Bill, my Bill. Life IS really a load of horse manure for some of us isn't it? So many troubling things run through our minds most of the time. It's hard to see any joy or happiness through it all. Our problems seem overwhelming and never ending.

Although I don't have your same circumstances, I struggle minute by minute to find something to make me smile or be happy and thankful for.

My goal through all of my own crap, was to help someone else smile and have a laugh at something I've discovered or created. But now, at this moment, I'm even having trouble doing that or even being able to respond to someone (your saddness) else's troubles. My inside tears have now escaped into all out bawling.

I know I have to just keep going and not give in or give up, which is what you have to do also. Deal with the most important things, one issue at a time, the now, and try not to think of things you don't know will happen tomorrow or in the future.

Most importantly, don't miss out on being and joining in with your family events. Those that truly love you, will except you the way you are and will be glad to still have you in their presence. I don't have family close by in my life, which I know if I did, it would make a difference in my attitude, well being and motivation to keep going. Life is too short. Take and give all the love that you deserve.

Me, make you feel quilty, huh!! Quilt is my middle name. Over pretty much everything I do or don't do or have or haven't done. Quilt is a real mood killer and it's mostly our own thinking and not what others think or feel about us.

I probably should have put this in an email to you, it's getting long. Hee Hee

I'm glad you and D liked my JibJab elf stuff. That made me smile and happy to create them and know that it made you smile, even just for a little while. Did you get the ones where I included D, or did they end up in your Yahoo trash bin again?

If not for my Bill in Scotland over the last three years, who if I had given up and given in, I would not have even met, I would have definitely lost all my mind that is left by now. We never know what gifts we may receive tomorrow and he was a big one.

I'm sure all of us that have gotten to know you, don't really know what to say sometimes, but for sure we want you to keep trying and I'll do the same.

Love you both much, Becks

Anonymous said...

Becks, Honey......

Know that commercial that says "Never let 'em see you sweat"?

Mine is "Never let 'em see you cry!"

D LOVED your "elf yourself" video and thanks you very much for taking the trouble to do that for her.

She really IS a wonderful lady who deserves better than me.

I just don't know how to make things better if there's no money.

But don't worry.

I have loved D from the first time I laid eyes on her, I loved her through our divorce, and I loved her through all the relationships I have had since then.

The "others" just had to understand.

Some did, some didn't.

No. It was NOT sexual after we divorced, but it CONTINUED to be LOVE!

How do you "unlove" someone, Becks?

Tell me, please.

Some of them were wonderful women, and I do not doubt that they loved me very much but they just had to understand.

That makes me sound like a real shit, don't it, and I probably am.

Anonymous said...


I lost the user id and password to this blog.

Been kinda busy trying to get my CEU's in so I can renew my RT license and I have had about 2 hours sleep in the last 24.

It's my frickin' birthday today (60) and the family wants to take this "zombie" out to eat and go to the "possum drop" in Tallapposa at midnight, but I don't think I can last that long.

Anyway, even though I can't get to the blog right now, Happy New Year!


Bill said...

I'm mving the blog, but don't know how to let everyone know, since I can no longer sign in tos this one.

From now, its address will be :

Back there soon.

Margaret said...

Bill, in your last post you actually are signed in since your name is posted.

As for the new site, I can't access it at all.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you both and your loved ones!!

Bill said...

Name is posted HERE, yes, butI cannot get into the inner workings of the blog itself in order to write anything.


and HNY, Margaret!


Margaret said...

Are you managing to get into your control center (or whatever it's called now), Bill?

Jo said...

Bill, I wanted to let you know that I think of you often, hoping that things start becoming better for you. You are such a wonderful person, great writer, super musician, caring, funny and well, we all like you an awful lot. Happy to hear you are sticking around to see how things turn out tomorrow. Saying a prayer for you and keeping my fingers crossed too.
Hugs from Frankfurt!

Margaret said...

I hope things are better for you and Dondra now.

Perhaps you've posted updates elsewhere, but as I can't get into the other blog I have no idea what's going on.

Have you started the webradio yet?

五王 said...

噴泉的高度,不會超過它的源頭。一個人的事業也是如此,它的成就絕不會超過自己的信念。 ....................................................