Friday, November 14, 2008

Forgetting Stuff

I am so glad that the majority of my bills are now paid by auto-debit, because in my current state of absent-mindedness, I don't think I could remember all the due dates and amounts.

In my last entry I mentioned misplacing things and then not being able to find them when they are needed.

The latest is a credit card I use only in emergencies, and the only reason I haven't panicked is because I know it's somewhere in my apartment. I know this because I checked the latest charge and it was made about a month ago, and nothing has been charged since then, so it's a matter of just finding it. More than likely it's in a pocket of a pair of jeans (I'm bad to not return a card to its place in my wallet). If not, then of course I will cancel it.

Another instance which has me worried occurred Thursday.

My answering machine took a call regarding a television delivery, and while lying in bed reading Thursday night, I happened to think that I needed to set up an appointment to have it delivered Friday.

So I laid down my book, get out of bed and in just that little bit of time (seconds) I had forgotten what I was getting out of bed for! That is the fastest I have ever forgotten anything. I had to stop and think, and when the answer didn't come to me right away, I just let it go and it "came back" a few minutes later.

This is happening more and more often.

One other "neurological symptom" rearing its ugly head here in the Autumn of my years is stuttering. As a child I had a severe stuttering problem which I was able to overcome by speaking "rhythmically", as with a drumbeat.

Recently, I have been in "panic attack mode" several times to the point of once again stuttering, which is very frustrating. Not only the stuttering itself, but the "hesitation" which occurs when I cannot "find" a word. When I am face to face with someone and this happens, I am very cognizant of how they are reacting, seeing it in their "knitted" brows and wishing they were anywhere other than with me. My recent "Significant Other" was that way: I could tell by her body language and the narrowing of her eyes into slits that she found this sudden change in me disgusting.

Another example of a form of denial, I suppose: I look fine on the outside, but she can't deal with the changes on the inside, so she bailed out.

Good riddance.

Do I sound bitter? ;)

Have a great weekend!


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