Tuesday, April 24, 2012

My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Remember that accident I caused last April, which almost killed me and two other drivers, but luckily injured no one, and which is the reason I no longer drive?

Well, guess what?

I'm still not over it.

I think about it every single time I get into the car with Dondra to go to my doctor's appointments and the few times we go to the supermarket or post office together. At those times, I usually take my Kindle and read or play word games on it. I'm nervous as a cat at those times, and if I weren't reading or playing, I'd have to lie down on the back seat. Anything to keep me watching the traffic and keep my head down. I absolutely do not look up, because my sharp intakes of breath when I think I see an "impending" accident make D nervous and piss her off.

That is also the reason I stay at home a lot, unless she takes me to the track or the gym - a very short ride. I estimate that out of 7 days, I am at home at least 80% of the time - I just have no desire to be in the car unless I absolutely have to be. I do go outside, sit in the swing and play guitar, but that's it.

Is it the dementia that's keeping me so fixated? Don't know, but the three anti-depressives aren't helping with that, so I'm planning on going back to counselling.

I'll let you know how it goes.
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Thanks,

Bill

2 comments:

Margaret said...

Smart of you to think of counseling. I was a passenger in a car over 40 years ago, on a rainy night. I remember the headlights of the car that turned left (a no-turn zone on a speedway) and drove right into our car. I remember for a split-second, the front of the car folding up onto the windshield.
This was before seatbelts, so my head hit the "ribbing" in the roof of the car: I had a fractured skull and a lot of cuts that required stitches. How glass ended up opening an 8-inch-long gash in my leg (in the back seat, I repeat), I have no idea.

I still cringe, and it drives my husband crazy, when we drive on a highway on a rainy night and I see the lights of oncoming cars.

So, I tend to think this can happen to anyone, that your meds or your Alzheimer may not be responsible. Take care, Bill. Hugs to you both.

Bill Craig said...

Hey my Friend!

First, we both thank you for the hugs. One can never have too many not give one without also getting one. What you wrote about your experience made me think of the one I caused last April, Margaret. The only thing which was different was I had come to a complete stop on a "feeder road", pulled out and was struck by the oncoming vehicle. Since then I have asked D to avoid that area, but my counsellor says not to do that, but confront that fear and conquer it that way, so that's in what we've been doing a little at the time.

I confronted and conquered my fear of heights by sky diving, so I should be able to handle that.

I want to apologize for taking so long to answer. I think I need to change a setting because I'm not getting a notification in my e-mail that I have a message waiting to be read.

Thanks for the note, my dear, and enjoy the long holiday weekend.

Your friends

Dondra and Bill