1. I miss the "old" me. The guy who'd do or say something absurd just to see who's paying attention. A "play on words", if you will.
Case in point: A couple of weekends ago, the inlaws and D & I went out to eat at a very nice seafood restaurant. Very nice, but very small, and very popular. So much so, that if there's a lot of people eating at the same time, the three air conditioners cannot handle keeping everyone comfortable, so there's a lot of "menu-in-the-face-waving" going on, and, in my case, a lot of sweating.
My niece: "Hot, isn't it, Bill?"
Bill: "It's not the heat, it's the humanity!" (that's called a malapropism, by the way - Yogi Berra is really good at those!)
Laughter all around.
But see, that was the first time in a very long time, that I've felt that loose!
2. I don't smile that much anymore. On the contrary, sometimes it's all I can do to keep from crying, and if you were close, you'd wonder at those sudden "tune-outs" of mine, when I seem to be staring at nothing (as related to me by my wife).
3. I used to love to make eye-contact with my conversation-partners, but now I'm so afraid of stumbling over (or not knowing) a word, that I look down as I speak and bite my lips a lot in concentration.
4. I miss my PATIENTS! Oh, GOD, I miss them so much! Making them feel better, interacting with them, and teaching them how to breathe and deal with their COPD. I loved meeting them in the super-market and just standing there speaking with them, and asking how they're getting along. Many times I'd forget their names, but they never forgot me,and we used to joke that if they'd lie down flat (wherever we might happen to meet), I'd know who they were!
This effing disease has taken so much away from me!