Wednesday, April 15, 2009

We Have A Special Guest In The Blog!!!!!

Remember me telling you we have some very talented folks over on

For the past few days, me and some of the guys and ladies have been "batting" around a proposal of mine that we (Alzheimer's patients) buy up some land, build on it, incorporate ourselves so as to pay no tax, and then secede.

Well, today we received a proposal from Mr. D. Diablo Doubletongue, Esq. of the firm, of FEEBLE FUTILE & FAIL LLC, ATTORNEYS which we are to take as satire. Some very good satire. It takes a while to read, but as you do, remember that Mike Donohue (a former attorney) is an Alzheimer's patient. He's an Early Onset Alzheimer's Patient trying to get and stay well!

Thank you Mike! Very well written!



I have been asked to submit the following proposal of a colleague of mine in the practice of law who still persists in trying to do it, my having learned better and quit!

It is as follows:

My name is D. Diablo Doubletongue Esq. I am from the respected firm of Feeble Futile & Fail, LLC. I am at your service!

You appear to be a group that meets the demographic of who we are and who we serve. Attorneys by history are measured by their willingness to undertake impossible tasks and perform impossibly on them. They can talk about, talk around and talk away from the point endlessly charging only for the quantity of what they say which is often weighted by what they don’t say.

In this thread: "In The Land Of The Blind" and the thread "Binder & Binder" of the Alzheimer’s Message Board there is a discussion about the cost of care, the insufficiency of interest by anyone who would or could help and the impossibility of government undertaking the initiative. Government cannot do it as is aptly observed in response of one contributor. This fact is obvious because of their recent tax cutting, war time spending binge and the cost of the economic collapse that has recently occurred.

It is quite correct; government cannot handle this critical need because they simply lack the wherewithal to do so. The other possible candidates are Alzheimer’s Supportive Groups. They seem to be directing their concentration and fund raising “betting on the come of a cure” as preparing for the catastrophe should a cure not be found.

Unless some other entity can be found to step in to manage this threatening calamity there is nothing more than can be done other than rely on resources as they now exist.

This is of course fraught with concern.

At current cost those qualifying for any kind of assistance or care entering a system so regulated and standardized that quality is often overlooked, put themselves at distinct disadvantage. So much has gone into creating the infrastructure to provide the service there is little or nothing left to spend on securing quality of service. The infrastructure stands, is funded, is administrated and managed and that has taken all of the expenditure before quality of service can be afforded. If there wasn’t the capital plant in existence to service the need, there would be no service so why worry about the quality of service however it is provided. It is better than nothing.

Those able to withstand the cost of care, if they can find it, they are OK. This is so as long as their lucre lasts.

Those in the middle must first deplete what they have, jointly, the person with AD and the caretaking spouse, before any assistance can be obtained leaving the surviving spouse in the street in a state of penury as the Alzheimer’s patient can finally go on the county. There is no provision for the survival of the spouse unless of course they can successfully secure Aid to Dependent Children.
If nothing is done those of you with Alzheimer’s are left with the bill which is too costly to pay, or, the task of doing something about it.

Considering the impossibility of the task it is good that these issues be considered in the lightness of that impossibility as has appeared in part on the two Message Threads, hereinbefore referred to.

Nonetheless this is a proposal for sound service we are positioned to provide.

We will be more than happy to handle the transfer of Alan’s small part of the Rockies to an appropriate qualified non-profit corporation and handle the filing with IRS to determine all payments to it to be tax deductible including the cost of caring for the shareholders.

Once established with blanket deductibility we will start immediate capital expansion building fazed treatment facilities. This will start with simple group domiciliaries in suitably serene settings for Alzheimer’s afflicted and their caregivers.

When care becomes required beyond group and group home capability we will have in place capital expansion designed to provide outpatient services to individuals or group home members. We will provide assisted living facilities to which a group home resident can move for additional help. We of course will have a nursing home capability with hospice wing. We propose to provide for your necessities from beginning to end of care.

We will establish this facility with its services in such an environment that quality and economy of care including provision of services are not consolidated and compromised by the competitive marketplace under the auspices of reducing costs by competition. Rather than submit that disingenuous formula of competition as a cost container we will assert actual cost of care measures to make them economical.

This can be done by obviating the necessity of overhead management and administrative costs, such as

• CEO salaries set by Crony Boards of Directors.
• Make Work Middle Management Plans including
• PR Programming
• Advertising programs
• Legislative lobbying
• Regulatory Liaisons
• Certification Standards Review Committees
• Modification of Quality Adherence and Industry Compliance so each participant is held to the same measure of performance and cost.
• Liaison with the Quality Adherence and Industry Compliance Agency setting the standards and unitizing the cost and profit return.
• Investment Advisors
• Sales forces with adequate commission incentives to keep talented commission performers in place and performing rather than seeking employment elsewhere as is currently plaguing financial institutions.
• Financial Advisors to take group assets public
• Attorney fees to manage public offering
• Brokerage costs to initiate and market public offering
• Accountant services to hide the personal profit.

We of course have no idea how to accomplish our goals. Given your need, the evident futility of hope you manifest in filling your need, we ask the opportunity to work with it and see if we do anything less than foul it up more.

We first propose you hire a public research group to explore the feasibility of such an undertaking. Have them formulate a plan and provide a means of accomplishing your goal. Having that we will be more than happy, at a reasonable fee, to be negotiated after the fact, to undertake the performance initiative for you.

D. Diablo Doubletongue

Just totally blew me away!



Bill Craig said...

Mike (Mr. Doubletongue)

You have a "standing invitation" to ... Guest-Host..... here anytime you wish, Sir.

I think he lends an air of "class" to the joint, myself!

Can't y'all just imagine him pacing back and forth with both hands gripping the lapels of that pin-stripe suit, as he "dictated" that letter?


Dondra said...

Mike Donohue's plans for an Alzheimer's Xanadu were hilarious and sadly on the mark. I'd be interested in reading more suggestions for a Rocky Mountain Alzheimer's Retreat.

Beth said...

Wow,, well said!

Kari said...

That was a great post from your friend Mike. :) It does make me think about how much needs to be changed in the system of bureaucracy we all deal with.